On prayers, answers & acceptance

I found this note under my bed stand last week, which is apparently the place where all my garbage flocks to in an attempt to avoid the trash.

It was a note that they had us write in relief society (a class where women meet in my church) - basically it was a thank you/written prayer note to God. I wrote this around the end of June and this part of it reminded me of how I was feeling at the time:

 "...I know you must have a meaning to why I'm feeling so unsure and confused about marriage. Help me to know myself and understand these feelings.  Help me move forward with faith for whatever your will is.  Help Stephen feel how I do if this is wrong..."

It kind of struck me all over again how God answers every single one of our prayers, he just doesn't usually do it in the way or the time that we expect. I felt so anxious for so long and just wanted to know what to do.

I got the answer that I had prayed so long for.

It just wasn't the answer that I wanted. But the feeling came so strong that even as much as I wanted to be able to marry Stephen, I have never doubted that I absolutely did what was right.

But this post isn't really supposed to be about Stephen. It's about what I've learned about accepting answers since then:

It's okay to ask why.

I ask this probably at least once a day. At first I would kind of punish myself for asking it, and then I realized asking why isn't a form of questioning the rightness, it's not a way of not accepting the answer - it's just a natural way of dealing and pondering and growing from loss.

As long as I am not questioning that God loves me, prompted me in the best way possible and that there is a bright future full of hope, then it's a healthy question.

I like this quote from Jeffrey R. Holland "Be as candid about your questions as you need to be; life is full of them on one subject or another.  But if you and your family want to be healed, don't let those questions stand in the way of faith working its miracles."